Gert Wilden & Orchestra - Schulmadchen Report (1996)

Fantastic set of groovy and funky tracks from the crazy German Schulmadchen Report film series (known in English as the "Schoolgirl Report" series). Gert Wilden did a great set of music to match the wildness of the films -- which are all fake documentaries about the habits of young schoolgirls and their sex habits -- and the grooves are very nice, very cool, and very very 60s. There's a lot of nice funky bits, some cool keyboards, and lots of nice cheesy bits. Plus, the whole package comes with lots of sexy shots from the films, and a great set of notes with the usual high Crippled Dick standards. The CD's a killer batch of rare material, beautifully repackaged, and in the same vein as other classics on the label, like the Vampyros Lesbos set. (Dusty Groove America)

Excellent German orchestral and small combo rock 'n' roll from the soundtracks of German softcore films of the early 60s and 70s. Plenty of fuzzed out guitars ("make your guitar sound like a Sitar - the Voxx Wah-Wah, it's what's happening!") Hammond organ, and wailing brass, complemented by snappy drums, bongos and other percussion. All tracks feature catchy riffs, many borrowed from the very best places ("Dirty Boy" reminds me an awful lot of the theme from the Munsters, "Title Theme" has a harmonica that just might be the player from Canned Heat). Sighing vocals and softer horns provide the background for your home seduction scenes, while the upbeat cuts turn any room into a discoteque.(Amazon)

If there ever was a CD I could use to judge the extent to which a person enjoys life, it's "The Schulmadchen Report." Mr. Wilden perfects what I warmly refer to as Romp Rock, pornographic music with a slick style and a sense of humor. I firmly believe that anyone who doesn't tap their foot to this is at least partly dead inside, and anyone not turned on a little is way past their sexual prime.

Sure, Wilden and his orchestra do lift their hick-pop sensibilities and fuzzed-out production from other artists (the opening "Title Theme" is a clear nod to Canned Heat's "On the Road Again"; the guitar production of "Dirty Beat" a possible tribute to the Beatles' "Taxman" and a slew of 60's "Nuggets"-worthy garage acts), but the best records are usually a testiment to the varied and tasteful listening scope of its creator. Here, German-born Wilden weaves in equal parts Mancini and "Lady Chatterly's Lover," a weekend couple getaway gone very, very blue.

Wilden's other work in the soundtrack genre, most notably gathered in the crime story backdrop "I Told You Not to Cry," is more than worth bending an ear for, but if you're looking to swell your libido and magically unhook the bra of your significant (or insignificant) other, "The Schulmadchen Report" is a must for anyone with a truly musical, if not dirty, beat in their hearts. And the pictures ain't too bad, either. (Amazon)

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